just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
