I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
