i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize