my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
