You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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