Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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