ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
