i just had sex bonerless
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
