Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
