The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she looked like the before picture.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
