fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
