there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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