office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
