the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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