I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize