you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize