we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
