All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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