Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
