my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
