Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
