im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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