I am spending my child support on dildos
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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