Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
