He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dicks are not precious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
