like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
