All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
