One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
