he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
