A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
