Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
