I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
