I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
