doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
