If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
