It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
