I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
