Cold hands, warm shart.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
