Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
