Four minutes until I can fart!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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