ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
