im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
