I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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