I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
