she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
