we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
