Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
