i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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