Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
