its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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