I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
