so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
