I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
