Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
