Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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