god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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