don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
