he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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