mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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