So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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