fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
