once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
