I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
