Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You're earring is so big in my mouth

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(502): View more from Kentucky

he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

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(480): View more from Arizona

There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.

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(585): View more from New York

with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible

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(217): View more from Illinois

I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.

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(586): View more from Michigan

We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that

(781): View more from Massachusetts

You literally made that 4 hours ago...

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(305): View more from Florida

Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!

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