...so i touched it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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