so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
