I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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