JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
