I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
