I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
