This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
